[Ode to The Sun]
HEADLESS CORPSE IN TOPLESS BAR; FOG DESCENDS ON CHANNEL; My, what wags those editors are: GET BACK ON YER CAMEL! GOTCHA! — watch those Argie’s fl oat, Drowning while they’re waving. MADMAN BITES OUT PUPPY’S THROAT; SOME SCUM AREN’T WORTH SAVING. WACKO JACKO! CHILD MOLESTERS! VLADIMIR THE VANDAL! RED KEN RUNS FROM ZEN PROTESTERS; IT’S A BLOODY SCANDAL! Type as black as Satan’s hearths; GAZZA’S GETTING KNOTTED! WORLD EXCLUSIVE PHOTOGRAPHS! CAMBRIDGE RAPIST SPOTTED! UP YOURS DELORS! — you naughty Sun; PRINCESS DI’S LAST MEAL; NAME AND SHAME ’EM, EVERY ONE! ARE PAMELA’S NEW TITS REAL? OUR READERS HAVE THE RIGHT TO KNOW; BLIMEY! WHAT A SCORCHER! IF YOU LOVE YOUR COUNTRY, GO! DUB’YA — STOP THIS TORTURE!
All the headline above came from tabloid newspapers, with the exception of the second, an apocryphal headline supposedly from The Times at turn of the last century, which read in full: ‘Fog Descends on Channel, Continent Cut Off’. Splendid!