White Van Man
[To the tune of Old King Cole]
White Van Man has a very white van And a very white van has he, Except for the dents and the rust by the vents And some very rude Graf-ee-teeeee. He drives in his van as fast as he can And he neither hears nor sees, He clings to his phone like a dog with a bone While he steers with one of his kneeeees. He picks his nose while the tailback grows And yacks to his front seat crew, But a fool so rash as to honk or fl ash Will receive the fingers twooooo. Oh, White Van Man has a very wide clan Who profess no Highway Code, They’ll shunt your rear and yell in your ear As they U-turn in the roooooad. He stamps on his brakes when he overtakes As he cuts up you and me, For White Van Man has a very white van... And a very white van has heeeee!