Felix Dennis

[To the tune of Old King Cole]

White Van Man has a very white van
And a very white van has he,
Except for the dents and the rust by the vents
And some very rude Graf-ee-teeeee.

He drives in his van as fast as he can
And he neither hears nor sees,
He clings to his phone like a dog with a bone
While he steers with one of his kneeeees.

He picks his nose while the tailback grows
And yacks to his front seat crew,
But a fool so rash as to honk or fl ash
Will receive the fingers twooooo.

Oh, White Van Man has a very wide clan
Who profess no Highway Code,
They’ll shunt your rear and yell in your ear
As they U-turn in the roooooad.

He stamps on his brakes when he overtakes
As he cuts up you and me,
For White Van Man has a very white van...
And a very white van has heeeee!